Handling Anger Constructively

Anger is probably the most frightening of all human emotions. It can so easily get out of control and lead to terrible verbal, even physical violence. No wonder many of us have been taught that anger is “wrong” or “bad.”

The problem with believing that anger is wrong or bad is that any time we deny (or ignore) a reality, we are no longer in a position to deal with it. Contrary to popular belief, denying or ignoring anger does not make it more manageable. Pretending we’re not angry does not change the reality or make the anger go away. Anger is a strong energy force. It
won’t just disappear.

On the other hand, “letting it all hang out” and exploding is hardly the answer either. This is terribly destructive. Many people get hurt in the process, and sometimes relationships are hurt beyond repair. The pain brought on by anger in an intimate relationship (i.e., marriage) is very difficult to heal. The wounds tend to run very deep. After all, when we have lived together for a number of year,s we know exactly where our vulnerable places are.

In this mini workshop, we talk about all the reasons why being a “stuffer” or “attacker” is not healthy. However, it is also necessary to understand that the same person can be both at different times. Someone can be a “stuffer” until grievances build up. When they are not able to contain it any longer, they explode as an attacker. When this accumulation does come out, it is usually a complicated tangle of many grievances that are difficult to deal with. Controlling exploding anger is all but impossible. Things are said and done at such times that would normally never be said and done, and they can never be taken back.

This workshop helps participants identify their own style for dealing with anger and gives them a step-by-step way to handle anger more constructively.